“Thank you”
“I wish you didn’t have to do this for me”
“I will pay you back.”
“I am so sorry I’m in this kind of needful situation.”
Because of my great love, none of that is necessary. Appreciated, but not necessary. I don’t want shame, embarrassment, or promises that can’t be kept. Ever.
I sit down to write out my thoughts for my own benefit, and maybe for sharing with this debt ridden person at some point. You see, I have been drowning in debt before. Just not debt that money can resolve.
I worked and worked. I exhausted myself mentally over it. I searched for ways to pay it.
My debt is the same kind every other human has. We are flawed, racked with sin of all sorts. We conquer one for a while and end up knee deep in a different one.
Accepting the financial debt payments is not a flawless perfect example, but it serves to make me look at how I have responded to my sin debt having been paid by someone else. Since I simply could not fix it, Jesus offered to step in. Like this debtor I love, I said “I’m sorry for my sin, I will fix it.”
I followed lists of rules. I did behavior control. But I was still neck deep in it, trying to stay afloat and not be consumed with the guilt and condemnation. I knew full well I was breaking rules left and right.
After years of such legalistic futility, I gave up. It was like Jesus said, “well, finally! Will you now just accept what I offer? Will you let me do for you what you can never accomplish on your own?”
He paid my debt.
He wants no groveling, He has never shamed.
He makes no demands, though He has whispered requests and continues to give guidance. My response to what He has given is love.
Don’t be mistaken. My behavior and attitudes are still flawed. Badly.
I purpose that I do not return to where I have been. I slide back in, and I reach for His rescue yet again.
And again.
I know this debtor we have assisted will feel many things. The enemy, the accuser of our souls, will shame. (He is a liar. His purpose is to steal, kill, and destroy.)
I pray there are truths from this trial that will forever altar this debtor’s understanding about not just the love of people, but the love of Christ Jesus.
He has paid far more than these few dollars we have paid.
